I had the time of my life

During our zoom meeting today on special love we were asked what does it mean if you have a special love with someone.  I define this as an attachment it can be very unhealthy. Also what comes to my mind is attack attachment to any person place or faith that feels a whole. We all have a godsized hole in us that we try to fill with people places experiences. No one can fit in that hole except God but we try to attach to things that don't belong there. This makes me believe that anything that fills our wants needsIs not what we should be seeking. This is temporary.  In the past for me I have sought out special special love and and have gone from one to another thinking they would complete me. No one will complete me except me.

God with us......      Emmanual Emmanual  she cried out....... do you hear me ? Do you ever hear me ? I'm in so much trouble- your so stupid-..... she heard, she looked out the window and around her room. Noone was there.  She always cried out to God when she really needed an answer. Noone ever answered her, noone except the bitter quietness. I cannot believe im here again in this sorrow, I hate myself, I hate my life.... when will this pain go away ? The tears fell down her face and noone came, why would they . Noone ever came, and she wouldn't want them too, she hated them.      I need to change my life, I hate this fighting  she thought as she listened quietly in her bedroom. I just want to get out of here, but where will I go ? Who will listin to me , how long will I stay , will it change if I leave and come back, she thought. The sounds go all the way upstairs into her room , into her head and into her heart. The sobbing...

In the zoom meeting for inner child work. The question was where was your safe place and who were your safe people when you were growing up? For me I didn't have a safe place or safe people. During meditation my mind went to a pumpkin patch outside of my home where I would have been about 7 years old and I found amazement that pumpkins were growing I wanted to know who planned them. I wanted to know where they came from I wanted to know when we could pick them.   I had a sad realization that anybody that I had been left with were unsafe people in in unsafe circumstances.  But during my meditation and being by the pumpkin patch I had a sense of love. This was the 2nd meditation that led me to the pumpkin patch outside of my home where I remember this home in particular having very visual nightmares of police and ambulances and something that resembled a murder scene.